Resilience is vital when it comes to developing your emotional intelligence. Learning from our past experiences, helps us to envision our future and understanding the transition stage of change is crucial to our success! But what actually is the transition stage of change and how do we become more aware of it and its affect on our lives?

In the life of a butterfly, their transitional development (change) takes place inside a cocoon-like structure. This is the part of a butterfly’s development during which, an unprecedented level of change occurs. What is extremely interesting is, that from the outside, it doesn’t look very exciting. In fact, it looks as if nothing is happening. Although internal change growth can be rapid, this stage can vary from butterfly to butterfly. For some species, it is complete within weeks; others take two years to reach their final form.

So, why is this important and what does it have to do with our resilience as individuals?

Altering our emotional state to become more aware and emotionally more robust takes time, dedication, energy, inner drive and flexible thinking.

Our inner drive consists of that positive mental energy that keeps us going when times get tough. It allows us to keep things in perspective and effectively deal with setbacks, remaining focused, calm and confident in our own abilities, even when things aren’t going to plan.

Motivation, accountability and solution-focused approaches are key when trying to build your inner drive.

But let’s suppose that you are dedicated, have the energy and inner drive to tackle a problem. What if, despite all of your efforts and hard work, things still don’t work out as expected?

Being adaptable and able to flex in the face of change is a key skill when building resilience. Being able to identify and challenge unhelpful thinking patterns can help to prevent us becoming stuck in our problems.

You may not be able to control every situation and its outcome, but you can control your attitude and reactions. One way to manage this is by practising your mental flexibility.

Some key questions to ponder when exploring this within yourself are:

• What are your immediate emotional and physical reactions when something goes wrong?
• What happens next in terms of behaviours or mood?
• Does this mood affect others around you? And is this helpful?
• When you bounce back easily from difficulties, what do you tell yourself?
• When you struggle to bounce back from difficulties, what do you tell yourself?
• Which voice is the loudest?

The answers to these questions highlight your default pattern and ability to think flexibly. Pretty much all our behaviours follow patterns. And in order to affect change, you may need to dig a bit deeper than simply having an immediate response. This may involve looking back.

Ask yourself: How far back can I go? Do you remember any specific difficulties you faced when you were younger and how you chose to overcome them?

Remember that in order to build resilience, you need to engage in change and experience the outcome.

So, ask yourself, “What makes me happy, productive and feel successful?”

It is not always easy to dig deep within yourself to explore these areas but in order to build resilience it is necessary to pause, reflect and make changes where you feel you need to.

Life is busy, chaotic and complex. You may feel you have no time to consider yourself or your behaviours thoroughly or feel it is guilty or selfish to focus on yourself. Please stop this negative self-talk. You matter. You are vitally important and taking the time to ask yourself some hard questions and reflecting on the answers will help you move towards the happiest and strongest version of yourself.

Please take a moment to jot down or draw “How My Life Looks” and then take a few minutes to jot down or draw “How I Want it to Look”.

Now Ask yourself: “What are the steps I need to take to make these changes?”

• Could you discuss this with someone you trust?
• What are the ideas that first come to mind?
• Are they short term fixes or long-term undertakings?
• What will I need to do to make this happen?
• I am committed to making it happen?
• When will you start?

It can also be frustrating that changes aren’t immediate or that you recognise change more quickly in others than you do in yourself, and it may make you feel like you want to give up. But don’t. Remember the butterfly. They don’t rush, they don’t compare. They focus on their own change and growth and emerge the strongest and most glorious version of themselves imaginable!