Negative thoughts weigh us down. We worry on a daily basis, sometimes about things that may never even happen, things we can neither control nor influence. In order to practise resilience, it is key to shift the focus from things outwith our control, towards things we can influence. Reframing thoughts in this way can make us feel calmer and more positive. We are all guilty of taking the weight of the world on our shoulders at times. Many of us involve ourselves very closely, in the lives and emotional journeys of others.

This is understandable, as we want good things for our loved ones and we become invested in the outcomes of their activities. At times, this level of support is absolutely what is called for, and it is essential in order to support that person through their challenges. But, there are times this level of emotional investment can be detrimental and this is what we will explore in our blog today.

When we start to relinquish control over what everyone else is doing, we feel a huge shift in energy.

By just “holding space” for other people, which, according to Heather Plett, means “being willing to walk alongside another person in whatever journey they’re on without judging them or trying to impact the outcome,” we are able to be of better service to them, and in turn allow them to follow their own path.

Letting go of others’ decisions and any expectations we have of them, has a number other benefits. Some of the ones listed here can be great motivators to inspire you to commit to this shift in thinking.

1. You have more energy to focus on yourself.

What a difference you will feel when you stop obsessing and worrying over other people’s problems and trying to figure out how to fix it for them.

People rarely realise how draining it is to take on everyone else’s “stuff.” When you start to let go of what other people are doing and give them space to find their own solutions, you will find that you have more time and energy to focus on yourself. You are also allowing the other person the opportunity to build their resilience and add to their own emotional toolkit, through developing the types of life skills, which are only formed in challenging circumstances.

2. It can be more empowering to just listen rather than to “fix”.

People don’t always needs us to “fix” things. What they need when they come to talk to us is to feel heard. Nobody likes to be told what to do.

Releasing control enables you to be a better listener since you are actively hearing them and not using the time to think about ways to fix their problems.

3. We develop trust.

When we can surrender to what is, allow things to unfold, and realise that every experience serves a purpose, we start to trust that whatever happens may really be for the best.

Relinquishing control and allowing things to play out without our interference can reveal some surprising outcomes that we never could have planned and ultimately turn out for the best for everyone involved.

4. It strengthens our relationships with others.

By not telling people what to do all the time, we are essentially saying to them, “I trust you to make the best decision for you.” This really strengthens our relationships with them when they believe there is a mutual trust and respect for their judgment and choices.

5. We learn something new when we watch how others do things.

There can be times when we believe we have all the answers and our way to do things is ‘best’. This is far from true and we can actually grow and learn through observing others and how they deal with challenges. The next time we find ourselves in a similar situation, we may find that their way was the better way.

When we reflect on all of the reasons it serves us to let go of controlling others, it’s a great excuse to allow the people in our lives to follow their own path. Whether it’s the right path or the wrong path is not for us to decide. It’s simply their path.