You need to ask yourself two important questions: "What exactly is the behaviour that is causing the problem?" and "What is the impact if this behaviour is not addressed?".

You need to reach clarity for yourself so you can articulate the issue in two or three succinct statements. If not, you risk going off on a tangent during the conversation. The lack of focus on the central issue will derail the conversation and sabotage your intentions.

Think through what you want to accomplish with the conversation? What is the desired outcome? What are the non-negotiables?

As English philosopher Theodore Zeldin put it: A successful conversation "doesn't just reshuffle the cards: it creates a brand-new set of cards."

What are the new cards you want to have in your hands by the end of the conversation?

Once you have determined this, plan how you will close the conversation. Don't end without clearly expressed actions, possibly on both sides. What is the person agreeing to do? What support are you committed to provide to them in order to help them alter their behaviours? What obstacles might prevent these remedial actions from taking place? What do you both agree to do to overcome potential obstacles?

Spend a little time to reflect on your attitude towards the situation and the person involved. What are your preconceived notions about it? Your mind-set will predetermine your reaction and interpretations of the other person's responses, so it pays to approach such a conversation with the right outlook—which in this context is one of inquiry. A good doctor diagnoses a situation before reaching for his prescription pad!

Be open to hear first what the other person has to say before reaching closure in your mind. Even if the evidence is so clear that there is no reason to beat around the bush, we still owe it to the person to let them tell their story. The outcome of adopting this approach might surprise you.

It is vital to understand and manage the emotions which may arise during the discussion.

The late Robert Plutchik, professor at the Albert Einstein College of Medicine, created a Wheel of Emotions to show that emotions follow a path.

What starts as an annoyance, for example, can move to anger and, in extreme cases, escalate to rage.

We can avoid this by being mindful of preserving the person's dignity—and treating them with respect—even if we totally disagree with them.

Another extreme emotion may be sadness or embarrassment, which may lead to tears. The best way to manage this type of situation is to acknowledge the tears rather than ignoring them, offering the person a tissue and providing an opportunity to gather his or her thoughts, all whist recognising that the tears communicate a problem to be addressed.

There may be moments in the conversation where a silence occurs. Don't rush to fill it with words. The periodic silence in a conversation can allow us to hear what was said and lets the message sink in.

A pause also has a calming effect and can help us connect better. For example, if you are an extrovert, you're likely uncomfortable with silence, as you're used to thinking while you're speaking. This can be perceived as steamrolling or overbearing, especially if the other party is an introvert. Introverts want to think before they speak. Stop talking and allow them their moment - it can lead to better outcomes overall.

An individual who has high emotional intelligence is always mindful to limit any collateral damage to a relationship. It can take years to build bridges with people and only minutes to blow them up. Think about how the conversation can fix the situation, without erecting an irreparable wall between you and the person. Keep respect and the preservation of dignity at the forefront.

Ensure that your objective is fair and that you are using a consistent approach for all that you engage with. For example, if the person thinks you have one set of rules for this person and a different set for another, you'll be perceived as showing favouritism.

Nothing erodes a relationship faster than perceived inequality. People have long-term memories of how you may have handled situations in the past. Aim for consistency in your approach.

We trust a person who is consistent because we don't have to second-guess where they stand on important issues such as values and boundaries.

Conflict is a natural part of human interaction. Managing conflict effectively is one of the vital skills of individuals with high Emotional Intelligence. Have a few, proven phrases that can come in handy in crucial situations.

Firstly though, consider if you are escalating or de-escalating the situation.

Escalators cause a conflict to quickly intensify. These are words or phrases we use that have the unintended effect of fuelling rather than tempering a situation. They often start with a “you” statement. Examples include: “You are making a mountain out of a molehill;” “You are too sensitive;” “You are taking this personally.”

Escalators are also non-verbal behaviours such as tone of voice, lowering of the eyebrows to indicate disapproval, exchanging a knowing look and smile with someone else in the room or condescendingly patting someone on the shoulder.

Make a list of de-escalators that you can use in difficult situations. Examples include pausing, genuinely trying to actively listen, letting the other person speak uninterrupted, not telling the other person that they are “wrong.”

You can also take time out by calling for a bit of a break to lower the tension and revisit the conversation when emotions are not as aroused.

One of the reoccurring mistakes many people make when in this type of situation, is how they handle defensive behaviours, such as stonewalling, sarcasm and accusing.

The best advice is to simply address the behaviour openly and sincerely.

If the behaviour being exhibited from your counterpart is stubborn unresponsiveness, you can candidly say, "I don't know how to interpret your silence." Disarm the ploy by labelling the observed behaviour. This keeps the conversation open and transparent.

Some people put off having the conversation because they don't know how to start. The best way to start is with a direct approach.

Being upfront is the authentic and respectful approach. You don't want to ambush people by surprising them about the nature of the ‘chat.’ Make sure your tone of voice signals discussion and not inquisition, exploration and not punishment.

In the world we are currently living in, boundaries are blurred, tempers may be frayed, and anxiety might be high.

By employing these suggested techniques, we hope you can feel more confident to tackle these types of chats head on in a well-planned and thought-out manner, leading to a more positive resolution for all.