Insights Blog
Challenging Conversations
We all have an inner voice that tells us when we need to have a difficult conversation with someone - a conversation that, if it took place, may improve life and a particular relationship overall. But fear can drown out that inner voice - and this can lead to us putting the conversation off.
The consequence of not having that uncomfortable conversation is costly. A recent study by Accenture revealed that, even in this challenging economic climate, 35% of employees leave their jobs voluntarily because of politics. These cultures of conflict can add to other organisational challenges such as Presenteeism, Leavism and Absenteeism, all of which are detrimental to high performing, effective and successful teams.
It is likely that on occasion, you may very well have had to initiate and manage these types of conversations to improve team function and solve challenges or redirect an individual.
Handling a difficult conversation requires skill and empathy, but ultimately, it rises and falls on developing the courage to move ahead and get it done. The more you get into the habit of facing these issues squarely, the more adept you will become at it.
Handling a difficult conversation requires skill and empathy, but ultimately, it rises and falls on developing the courage to move ahead and get it done. The more you get into the habit of facing these issues squarely, the more adept you will become at it. This blog will give you hints and tips to do just that!
Let’s dive right into it.
Reasoning
The first thing to consider prior to engaging in a challenging conversation is to identify the reasoning for having it in the first place. This may sound obvious but take a second, think about a time you have had to have a challenging conversation in the past and use it as an example when considering the motivation:
- Were you hoping to correct behaviours through this conversation?
- Were you hoping to improve a relationship via this conversation?
- Were you simply frustrated and you acted from a place of high emotion, which lead to this conversation?
- Did you enjoy the power it gave you?
- Were you concerned about the individual and truly thought this conversation would support them?
- Did you react because you didn’t feel respected or valued?
Reflecting on all of these questions can be challenging as we are asking you to be very honest with yourself here. No one is perfect and if you uncover some truths while doing these exercises, which you don’t particularly like or feel proud of, you should pat yourself on the back! Identifying negative behaviours and recognising them as such is the very first step in breaking the pattern!
Why
The main reason we ask you to think about these questions is to answer the WHY.
When having challenging conversations, understanding and having clarity on the WHY is absolutely vital to ensure these chats are a success.
If you do not take the time to ask yourself WHY, you could open yourself up to a variety of additional challenges such as going off topic and never getting to the main point, allowing past interactions to come up and become the focus, meaning the whole chat goes off track and can end up getting too emotionally fuelled.
You also risk causing irrevocable damage to the relationship if these conversations are not well planned out and treated with care.
How
Next consideration is the HOW.
Many people use the technique of the Praise Sandwich. This essentially is starting the conversation with something positive, using the middle of the conversation to tackle the challenging topic then ending on another positive.
This can be extremely successful in many situations but there are times when the root cause of the challenging conversation cannot be diluted and needs to be the sole focus.
An example of this could be a partner not respecting your boundaries or a child engaging in behaviours that could put them in danger.
Timescale
Another thing to be aware of is the timescale.
Is it best to make the person aware that the conversation is going to happen so they have time to prepare or will the knowledge of that impending discussion cause them anxiety? Is it then best to get straight to the point then and there?
The answer will be different on every occasion and as a leader, you must identify the correct strategy for your situation.
Where
The WHERE is the final consideration.
Is this a public or private conversation? Most will automatically say private, and that is even more vital when you want to maintain and protect the relationship.
The location of the chat is also extremely important. What works best? Is it face to face? A phone-call? Video chat?
Depending on how well you know the person, the answer to this may come very naturally. You may know which environment will work best and ensure the other person is comfortable and at ease, all of which is more likely to lead to a successful outcome.
In Practice
Now we have set the scene, consider a time when you have had to have a challenging conversation and reflect on the questions above. Did you take these things into account? What worked well for you? Was the conversation a success overall?
